jsmcdonald:

defintely rather be a weasley than a cullen.

theblackknight:

crunk-insanity:

hoorayforkaye:

Had my tendon (or whatever you call that thing) removed today. Had 4 injections. :(( I therefore conclude that the operating room is the scariest place on Earth.

*PALS! Am not allowed to dance. :( Sorry!

O_O!!!! Pero at least yer ok. :)

Glad you’re aiyt :) 

yerawizardharry:

• “The willy chooses the wizard, Mr Potter.”
• “Well, we’ll soon find out, won’t we?” said Snape smoothly. “…Willy out, Potter.” Harry moved into his usual position…
• “Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering trough various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”
• ‘Now, Harry,’ said Lockhart, ‘when Draco points his willy at you, you do this.’ He raised his own willy, attempted a complicated sort of wiggling action and dropped it. Snape smirked as Lockhart quickly picked it up saying, ‘Whoops - my willy is a little over excited.’
• “There was a moment, in the graveyard, where Voldemort’s willy and mine sort of… connected.”
• “Are you OK?” said Harry urgently.“My willy,” said Ron. “Look at my willy.” It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on only by a few splinters
Ron and Malfoy looked at each other with their willy’s raised. Malfoy strolled towards Ron, flicking his willy vigourously as he edged closer to Ron. Ron anticipated the worst and gulped as the white substance flew out of Malfoy’s willy and hit him full on the face.

As you can imagine, it was hard to just pick a few but I actually hurt from laughing at some of them. Enjoy!

(via lottieeeee/toroortiz)

 theblackknight:

crunk-insanity:

dianerz817:

kiaralagrisola:

elgosh:

Mine’s “I ran naked with a toothbrush because I’m a pimp and you’re jealous.” LOL!

I needed a horse because I have a noodle up my nose.

I killed a glass of milk because I had to.

I cuddled with your mom because that’s how I roll. :))

 I killed a bag of weed because I’ve got abs >_<

shecantloveyoulikeido:

tama tama..

sisifo:

via ep.yimg.com

(via babyvanilla)

crunk-insanity:

This reminds me of Kim’s caterpillar jokes. :))

(via jsmcdonald)

jsmcdonald:

truth.

crunk-insanity:

followandreblog:

pineappleupsidedown :littlemissdorkette :youaremydestiny :humanizzle

crunk-insanity:

kayakongmagbasa:

(by jheiibutterflaii)

(via papertissue)

crunk-insanity:

dolldalera:

joserizal:

kbcdefg:

By David Letterman, as forwarded via e-mail

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW (Big Mean Wife), and an MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?

6. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won’t respond to “Psst… psst”.

4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase a karaoke machine for every room in the White House.

2. State dinners do not allow “Take Home.”

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

Lol. Hilarious. :)

I lol-ed at number 5. :))